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Did you ever feel like some sort of political dissident at work?  Like when you encourage a coworker to go home when she's sick or perhaps leave her desk for lunch or...gasp...call it a day at 5:00?

What's happening to us?

If you have a few moments, check out http://www.theenergyproject.com/events  There is a free webinar next week that may be of interest.  I first wandered on to this site when I saw a blurb somewhere about "taking back your lunch".  Woo-hoo!  I agree wholeheartedly with that.  I think going outside or somewhere, anywhere, besides your desk is good for the soul...which is good for the person...which is good for the job.  It just makes sense that recharging your battery for an hour in the middle of the day would be beneficial for everyone.

The premise behind all of this is that human beings are not machines.  We are not meant to function like machines.  We need more than fuel (money or power or prestige) to perform well.  We need the things that feed our spirit to maintain our happiness and our health.  Just like the finest German automobile needs more than gas.  If you run that thing out of oil or transmission fluid or radiator coolant, it doesn't matter that it has a full tank.  It ain't going anywhere for long.  And when you push it too hard, sometimes the damage can't be repaired.

This is what we do to ourselves when we stay late and come in early, skip our kids ballgames and postpone vacations.  The thing is, we WANT to be dedicated.  We WANT to love our jobs.  We just don't want our jobs to be ALL THERE IS.

Why do we allow ourselves to buy into that?  Why do we as employers perpetuate that thinking?  Why do we impose that on our people?  Who woke up one day and thought that it was a good idea?

Why do those of us who think it's time to stop all that nonsense feel like we have to skulk around in dark alleys peddling our ideas for a better life like crack dealers?

Life is good.  Work should be a way to express who we are...joyfully.

Take back your lunch, people.  Take back your ballgames and take back your vacations.  Take back your quiet evenings with the ones you love and take back your pride in your work.  Smile at your desk.  Answer the phone like you really DO want to talk with the person calling you.

If you can't do that, find somewhere that you can.

Kahlil Gibran wrote, "Work is love made visible." 

Do that.

Whistle while you work,

WS
 
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A couple of evenings ago I was scanning my bookshelves for something to read before bed.  I was restless and tired - not a great combination - and was looking for something to bring my scattered thoughts back to the center so I could sleep.

I'm a big fan of Thomas Moore, a psychologist and former Catholic monk.  He writes about the soul, certainly not in the religious sense, but from the perspective of "soulfulness".  He writes of the mythical and spiritual in ways that are magic, yet applicable to real life.  His most well known work is "Care of the Soul". I would highly recommend it.

On this night, I selected "Dark Nights of the Soul - A Guide To Finding Your Way Through Life's Ordeals". 

In one part he wrote about the story of the man being swallowed by the fish - the Jonah story.  Don't worry - I'm not going all biblical on you.  This is one of those stories that shows up in mythology all over the world and the point of it is about when life circumstances swallow you up and take you for a ride.  The whale is in charge, not you, and you have little choice but to get as comfy as possible until he spits you out on some shoreline where you can finally take stock of where you are and what you'll do next.

This is the place where I am.  What I have influence over, I influence in the best way I can manage.  What I don't...well...I'm learning to stop worrying and fretting.  I'm trying to sit back and enjoy not being in charge for awhile.  Yes - it is very scary not knowing if I'll have a job in a month.  But it was scarier imagining staying in a job that was draining the life out of me.  Proverbial rock and hard place.  So I dove in the water...and quickly became whale fodder.

Truthfully, I have a sense that this is a friendly whale.  He doesn't want to eat me.  He just wants me to stop clinging to the familiar.

The belly of the whale really isn't that bad.  I just wish I had a window seat.

Kowabunga dude

WS

Truth

11/12/2010

1 Comment

 
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I've been gone for awhile.

In every way.

The last several months have picked me apart like crows picking at french fries discarded on an outdoor table at McDonald's.  So many things I believed to be true...weren't. 

Being picked apart...well...it's as if there is something written on every piece.  As it's pulled off of you, there is an opportunity to read what it says.  And there is time to consider the truth of it as it flys away.

My hard candy shell is gone.  Only the squishy melty part is left.  It's kind of scary to be squishy and melty...but it's better than being defined by a structure that isn't true.

Praying for peace and truth and love,

WS
 
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Just flew in from a conference in New Orleans.  Should be unpacking or sleeping or something...but I'd rather write.

Flying for work is not nearly as much fun as flying for vacations.  I noticed this evening somewhere over the coastal south that there's not much I like about it other than the rare opportunity to look at the topsides of clouds.  I'm chronically replacing factual descriptions for abstract metaphors so it's times like those that I truly appreciate cotton balls.

The other thing I like about a window seat is the 3-D landscape below.  I saw a lot of baseball fields.  For some reason, this was highly comforting to me.  Everywhere I could see the ground, I could see red clay and emerald grass neatly shaped into wedges.  Our own form of crop circles.  Even in areas that seemed to be miles from any other civilization, there'd be a diamond.  Even in these times, we can all find a place to play.

As we were making our descent into Atlanta, you could see neighborhood streets, houses curving and bending, attached by their driveways like leaves tied to branches.  But there were some empty spots here and there, infrastructures of streets and lots, but no houses.  Even from the air, it was clear that construction had ceased long ago because what would have been sandy and clear was choked with weeds and grass.  No bulldozers or plumbing trucks.  Lifeless twigs.

Left me wondering about my own lifeless twigs...cul-de-sacs that had been built in my life in preparation for something bigger, and more vibrant.  What happened?  When did construction stop?  Out of money, out of time, or out of enthusiasm?  Or simply a bad investment abandoned in hopes of a new start?

I sure would like to bring in a new crew, some heavy equipment, plumbers, electricians, framers, drywallers, roofers and finish carpenters.  I sure would like to start building again.

I love the sound of nail guns in the morning.

WS
 
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While getting myself ready for work this morning, a song popped in my head.  I knew then it would be a far better day.  How can you be sad when Kermit is playing and singing and all you want to do is sing along?

Here's the song.  Sing it with me, won't you?

WS

Written by Paul Williams and used by Kermit the Frog, of The Muppets, Jim Henson Productions

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that
and someone believed it,
and look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell,
we know that it's probably magic....

Have you been half asleep
and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.
La, la la, La, la la la, La Laa, la la, La, La la laaaaaaa


 
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I just got finished wallowing.

I do that sometimes, and a few years ago I decided it was best to always give myself a time limit.  If I didn't, either I wouldn't wallow at all, which is detrimental to one's emotional well-being, or I would get stuck in wallowing and have a hard time crawling out of it.  Wallowing should never become a hobby.  The time limit works really well because I give myself permission to get down in there deep and FEEL it.  Pity party for one.  Yep...that felt awful.  Yep...caught me totally off guard.  Nope...never saw it coming.  During world class wallowing, I'm pretty much pissed off at the Universe and asking the "why" question over and over, knowing full well that when I get the answer, I most certainly won't like it.  I stomp and pout and cry and do all that silly stuff in a BIG way during the allotted time and then I'm done.  Also, under no circumstances am I allowed to stop wallowing prior to the completion of the time limit.  That encourages me not to weenie out and leave any of those noxious feelings inside.

By the end of all that, I've usually turned it around to something positive.  Sometimes it's a big stretch.  Stretching is good.

Here's what I learned in my most recent roll in the mud.

I have become stuck in my own legends.  We all have them.  They are the stories we tell ourselves about what we're going to be when we grow up and what our lives are supposed to look like.  The legends grow and change as we gather evidence to support or debunk them.  When people arrive, they become part of our legends too.  When our interactions seem magical and fated, it's easy for the legends to become epic.  It's easy to think destiny is at work.  That kind of legend is fun for all involved.  Until destiny takes a turn that doesn't include us anymore.  Then it feels like tragedy.  At least it did for me.

Melodrama is probably the better word.  Hoopla of my own making.

Owning horses in Florida, particularly in seasons when it's endlessly rainy, can be a dirty business.  Pastures get muddy.  Paddocks get muddy.  Puddles are everywhere and when you throw horse poop into the mix, you'd better have a good way to keep your feet dry and clean.  I used to have a pair of tall, black rubber boots.  If you've ever seen a bunch of guys pouring a concrete slab, you'll see them wearing boots like these.  Let me tell you, when it was wet outside, I loved those boots.  You can only imagine how unattractive I looked schlepping around in a t-shirt, shorts and knee high black rubber boots.  Stunning.  But I didn't care because to my horses, I was the "Food Lady" and they loved me unconditionally for that reason, no matter how I looked.

There were occasions when the mud got very deep and slurpy.  I'd be walking along at a reasonable pace when - zhluuup - boot got stuck - and I either stepped out of it mid-stride and landed barefoot in the mud, or I tripped and lost my balance and nearly landed face first in the black sludge.

That's what happens when we become too attached to our legends.  They grab our ankle when least expected and pull us down into the slop.

As I concluded my wallowing this morning, I looked back at the person who recently joined my legend to see if perhaps the meaning I assigned to him was not really why he arrived.  I mean...it was obvious when he rode in with pillows taped to his bumper (sorry...inside joke) that there was something magical about to happen.  My error was in not letting the tale tell itself.

I started a book this morning.  Not reading one, writing one.  Why?  Because the knight with padded bumpers is an author, among other things, and he told me awhile ago that the way to write a book is a page at a time.  One a day, and in a year, you've got a book.  I've always wanted to write something, but didn't know where to start.  What should I write about?  Who would want to read it?  Why would they read it?  Why would I write it?  Silly questions really, because it doesn't matter. 

The knight has been blessed with a fairy tale ending.  I'm so happy for him. He's a good guy and he deserves it.  I just had to let go of my old legend and welcome a new one to see this clearly.  Perhaps he rode in to just give me a dose of courage...and for that I'm grateful.

Making mud pies with candles on top.

WS
 
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Did you ever think you had it all just about figured out?  And then the Universe unceremoniously knocked you on your ass?  Good times...

Now, when this happens you think the view you have is of "The Bottom".  "Rock Bottom" specifically.  Today I have to see it more as "Rock Top".  In this place ALL possibilities are open, except going back to the way things were before.  It's NOT closed in, which is part of what makes it feel so darned uncomfortable.  Limits give us something to lean on.  Sometimes we get quite comfortable just leaning and when the limits fall away, guess what?  We fall down. 

In this wide open place, we're like tired birds scanning the terrain looking for a cool new spot to land, or at least a spot that is somewhat less hostile.  It can be scary and all you want to do is get it over with.  But take a look around.  Let yourself glide and circle and dip.  No rush.

My son learned something new yesterday.  It was the concept of mindfulness.  As he shared this new idea with me, I could see how his face changed as he described it, as if this was the greatest secret in the Universe.  Perhaps it is.  And as I listened and experienced his perspective on this idea that had been gathering far too much dust in my own mind, I felt like I was indeed hearing it for the first time.

Mindfulness.  He said, when you're watching TV, watch TV.  When you're walking, walk.  When you're learning, learn.  So simple.

And when you are falling, fall.

Whether that falling is up or down really doesn't matter.  Go where it takes you and enjoy the view.

New to it all,

WS
 
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I have a sign on my desk.  It says "The best way to predict the future is to create it."  I have it there because that's how I feel about life and possibilities.  It's a nice way to greet my guests (many of who are young college students who need all the positive influences they can get) and also to remind me every morning when I walk in to start my day.

I've noticed something lately.  I'm out of balance.  I seem to have drifted off course and into a rocky inlet.  I feel as if I'm being batted about and the calm seas I was experiencing not long ago have darkened and become hostile.  Too much stress.  Too much drama.  Too much negativity and unwanted obligations.  And all the things that matter most to me have somehow been pushed to the back burner to make more space for all the stuff I don't really want.

How'd that happen?

I'm a firm believer that you can't create the life you want by living the life you don't want.  If something feels wrong...in other words, out of alignment with your personal values and mission, then it's time to step away from that and towards something that feels more right, or closer to alignment.  I think that's the real meaning of "getting centered".  It's moving towards the person you see as the "real you".  Anything that doesn't reflect that, that portrays you as someone you're not, well, that generates stress and disharmony.  Stress and disharmony eat holes in your mind, body and eventually your spirit.

I'm starting to feel like Swiss cheese.

Sometimes it takes big brass kahonas to step away from certain facets of your life "on a whim".  If you're looking to the outside world to support you in your decisions to make drastic changes (or even minor ones), look elsewhere.  The outside world is invested in sameness.  Only your inner world will encourage you to jump and flap like crazy.  "Crazy" being the key word here.

I used to be the kind of person who would mentally beat a decision to death before I'd take the first step.  What I've come to realize is that my gut was generally right from the very beginning but I didn't trust it.  I wanted facts and workflow diagrams to back it up.  I wasted a lot of time and energy doing that.  My "gut to action" time ratio has improved greatly but I still haven't reached warp speed.  Impulsivity isn't my m.o. 

Time to make a change.  A big one.  Time to invite all the important people and activities and loving pursuits back into my life.  Time to gently release (or beat off with a stick) all the things that are demanding more from me than I wish to give.

Time to get back to the business of predicting my future.

Godspeed...

WS
 
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I read a fascinating article on group therapy the other day.  It was by Dr. Robert Grossmark and is titled The Edge of Chaos: Enactment, Disruption, and Emergence in Group Psychotherapy.  Now before your eyes roll and you click the big red X in the upper right corner of your screen, I'll make you a promise that I'm not here to bore you with psycho-babble...even if I just love, love, love psycho-babble.  I wouldn't do that to you.

The theme of this article is that there can be positive, powerful change in the place between our ingrained, mindless habitual way of being, and the place of total chaos where our lives seem completely out of our control.  When things happen that shake us up and stress us out, that's the "opening" where an alternate perspective can get in.  Sometimes the creation of the opening feels like someone has taken a hammer and chisel to our hearts or minds, but nevertheless, something inside us cracks...but doesn't quite break.

I know you've been there.

It is that moment where you know if you don't do something QUICK, a complete meltdown is imminent.  You feel desperate for relief from how awful it feels to be in that place...and you're willing to do almost anything...even change your mind...if it will help.  That is the moment the Universe is waiting for.  Near collapse and wild-eyed desperation. 

Delightful, isn't it?

It's called the "edge of chaos" because you haven't actually "gone over the edge" yet...but you've seen it and you're pretty sure you don't want to trip and fall into the abyss.

This is a great time to ask yourself, "Hey...what do I really want and what do I really value?" and "Is what I've been clinging to really worth all this?"  My personal favorite..."Maybe everything I ever did, thought, felt or wanted was...wrong."

There's a crisis for you.

And a gift.

If yesterday was wrong and I didn't know it but today I DO know it, today is my chance to do something, anything, differently.  Once I pick myself up off the floor that is...

Sometimes picking oneself up off the floor is the only thing that can be done differently.  Trust me...in those times that is more than enough.

I could be wrong...but I think it is perfectly ok to get mad at the Universe when you have been nudged (shoved) to the edge.  It's ok to shout and wave your fist and throw things in your head.  It's ok to scream "Why, why, why?"  Just be careful when you do that because the Universe LOVES to answer questions.  If you don't want to know...best not to ask.  I'm just sayin'.

I can't tell you not to be afraid of the edge.  I'm petrified of it.  But know that when you find a way to move away from it...you will see things more vibrantly and you will know yourself more intimately and you may even love yourself just a little bit more.  That's a very cool thing. 

Livin' on the edge.

Big love,

WS
 
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Class starts tonight.  I don't know if I mentioned it before but I'm addicted to college courses.  Ok...maybe that's not exactly true.  Obsession is probably a better word.  Habit gone wild.  My class tonight is Communication Theory.

Theory.  That's the perfect word for it really.  Do any of us really have communication mastered?  Even those who I feel are closest to me interpret what we each read and hear differently...and these are people I know very well.  How can I ever hope to understand and be understood by people I'm just getting to know?  Even here...I write, but is what I'm saying what you're getting?  Often...you're getting more than I'm giving.  That's an amazing thing.

People aren't all that great at this communication stuff...but horses...they've got it mastered.  A shift in weight, ears pinned back, head lowered and hind foot lifted and inch or two off the ground...well somebody is about to get kicked or bitten, depending upon your proximity.  But if ears are pricked forward, eyes are bright and curious, nose stretched toward you softly blowing...that horse has taken a liking to you and is wondering what you might have for him.  Apple perhaps?

Horses don't need words to let you...or their herd mates...know exactly what's going on with them.  There is little ambiguity once you know the body language.  We humans on the other hand lean so heavily on words.  Body language is often ignored or discounted.  Words carry more weight.

Why?

Sometimes we don't want to see the truth.  Sometimes we'd rather filter our interpretation towards what we want to believe because seeing the real truth hurts.  Or it could mean making a difficult decision or embarking on a change that we feel sorely unprepared for.  Words make it easy to pretend.

Evolution is a great teacher.  Horses fine tuned their observation skills to survive.  Prey animals kind of have to do that.  We've had the luxury of languishing in habits that may not serve us but most of the time don't actually kill us.

Why is it so hard to take in the whole message?  Why is it so hard to speak our own truths?  Why do we hide from one another?

Apples for the teacher.

WS