Did you ever think you had it all just about figured out?  And then the Universe unceremoniously knocked you on your ass?  Good times...

Now, when this happens you think the view you have is of "The Bottom".  "Rock Bottom" specifically.  Today I have to see it more as "Rock Top".  In this place ALL possibilities are open, except going back to the way things were before.  It's NOT closed in, which is part of what makes it feel so darned uncomfortable.  Limits give us something to lean on.  Sometimes we get quite comfortable just leaning and when the limits fall away, guess what?  We fall down. 

In this wide open place, we're like tired birds scanning the terrain looking for a cool new spot to land, or at least a spot that is somewhat less hostile.  It can be scary and all you want to do is get it over with.  But take a look around.  Let yourself glide and circle and dip.  No rush.

My son learned something new yesterday.  It was the concept of mindfulness.  As he shared this new idea with me, I could see how his face changed as he described it, as if this was the greatest secret in the Universe.  Perhaps it is.  And as I listened and experienced his perspective on this idea that had been gathering far too much dust in my own mind, I felt like I was indeed hearing it for the first time.

Mindfulness.  He said, when you're watching TV, watch TV.  When you're walking, walk.  When you're learning, learn.  So simple.

And when you are falling, fall.

Whether that falling is up or down really doesn't matter.  Go where it takes you and enjoy the view.

New to it all,

WS

I have a sign on my desk.  It says "The best way to predict the future is to create it."  I have it there because that's how I feel about life and possibilities.  It's a nice way to greet my guests (many of who are young college students who need all the positive influences they can get) and also to remind me every morning when I walk in to start my day.

I've noticed something lately.  I'm out of balance.  I seem to have drifted off course and into a rocky inlet.  I feel as if I'm being batted about and the calm seas I was experiencing not long ago have darkened and become hostile.  Too much stress.  Too much drama.  Too much negativity and unwanted obligations.  And all the things that matter most to me have somehow been pushed to the back burner to make more space for all the stuff I don't really want.

How'd that happen?

I'm a firm believer that you can't create the life you want by living the life you don't want.  If something feels wrong...in other words, out of alignment with your personal values and mission, then it's time to step away from that and towards something that feels more right, or closer to alignment.  I think that's the real meaning of "getting centered".  It's moving towards the person you see as the "real you".  Anything that doesn't reflect that, that portrays you as someone you're not, well, that generates stress and disharmony.  Stress and disharmony eat holes in your mind, body and eventually your spirit.

I'm starting to feel like Swiss cheese.

Sometimes it takes big brass kahonas to step away from certain facets of your life "on a whim".  If you're looking to the outside world to support you in your decisions to make drastic changes (or even minor ones), look elsewhere.  The outside world is invested in sameness.  Only your inner world will encourage you to jump and flap like crazy.  "Crazy" being the key word here.

I used to be the kind of person who would mentally beat a decision to death before I'd take the first step.  What I've come to realize is that my gut was generally right from the very beginning but I didn't trust it.  I wanted facts and workflow diagrams to back it up.  I wasted a lot of time and energy doing that.  My "gut to action" time ratio has improved greatly but I still haven't reached warp speed.  Impulsivity isn't my m.o. 

Time to make a change.  A big one.  Time to invite all the important people and activities and loving pursuits back into my life.  Time to gently release (or beat off with a stick) all the things that are demanding more from me than I wish to give.

Time to get back to the business of predicting my future.

Godspeed...

WS

I read a fascinating article on group therapy the other day.  It was by Dr. Robert Grossmark and is titled The Edge of Chaos: Enactment, Disruption, and Emergence in Group Psychotherapy.  Now before your eyes roll and you click the big red X in the upper right corner of your screen, I'll make you a promise that I'm not here to bore you with psycho-babble...even if I just love, love, love psycho-babble.  I wouldn't do that to you.

The theme of this article is that there can be positive, powerful change in the place between our ingrained, mindless habitual way of being, and the place of total chaos where our lives seem completely out of our control.  When things happen that shake us up and stress us out, that's the "opening" where an alternate perspective can get in.  Sometimes the creation of the opening feels like someone has taken a hammer and chisel to our hearts or minds, but nevertheless, something inside us cracks...but doesn't quite break.

I know you've been there.

It is that moment where you know if you don't do something QUICK, a complete meltdown is imminent.  You feel desperate for relief from how awful it feels to be in that place...and you're willing to do almost anything...even change your mind...if it will help.  That is the moment the Universe is waiting for.  Near collapse and wild-eyed desperation. 

Delightful, isn't it?

It's called the "edge of chaos" because you haven't actually "gone over the edge" yet...but you've seen it and you're pretty sure you don't want to trip and fall into the abyss.

This is a great time to ask yourself, "Hey...what do I really want and what do I really value?" and "Is what I've been clinging to really worth all this?"  My personal favorite..."Maybe everything I ever did, thought, felt or wanted was...wrong."

There's a crisis for you.

And a gift.

If yesterday was wrong and I didn't know it but today I DO know it, today is my chance to do something, anything, differently.  Once I pick myself up off the floor that is...

Sometimes picking oneself up off the floor is the only thing that can be done differently.  Trust me...in those times that is more than enough.

I could be wrong...but I think it is perfectly ok to get mad at the Universe when you have been nudged (shoved) to the edge.  It's ok to shout and wave your fist and throw things in your head.  It's ok to scream "Why, why, why?"  Just be careful when you do that because the Universe LOVES to answer questions.  If you don't want to know...best not to ask.  I'm just sayin'.

I can't tell you not to be afraid of the edge.  I'm petrified of it.  But know that when you find a way to move away from it...you will see things more vibrantly and you will know yourself more intimately and you may even love yourself just a little bit more.  That's a very cool thing. 

Livin' on the edge.

Big love,

WS