I am reading a new book, Open Heart, Clear Mind by Thubten Chodron, who is an American Buddhist nun.  The book is written as an introduction to those of us who have had very little exposure to this belief system.  It is a gentle read and I have been enjoying it immensely.

One of the first ideas that struck a chord for me is that of "impartial love".  What is that?  As Westerners, we've heard the concept of unconditional love, but I wondered if this was different.  When you start throwing around a word with huge implications like love, I want to make sure I "get" the point.

Believe it or not, this book has a glossary with a definition for the word Love.  Amazing.  And I like what it says.

"LOVE: the wish for all others to have happiness and its causes."

WIth that definition, it makes it far easier to apply impartiality, doesn't it?  Everybody deserves to be happy, don't they?  Sure.  Well...unless they do something bad.  Or if they don't do what I want them to do.  Or if they have different poilitical beliefs or religious beliefs or listen to a different style of music or have tattoos or something...

Just kidding...to make a point.  Think for a moment what the world would be like if we could just see each other, ALL others, as DESERVING.  Even if just for a moment or two to try it on to see if it fits.  Can you point to someone specifically who does NOT deserve to be happy?  If so, why not?  Do you think that if everyone thought everyone else deserved to be happy we might live in a better world?  It is even possible to change our minds in such a big way?

This morning I wondered into a beautiful meditation class with my Dharma friend.  Our teacher gave us homework for this week to make a wish for happiness for everyone we encounter, even (especially) the people we find most difficult to deal with.  Would you like to try that too?  I dare ya...

LOVE

WS
 

A very sad thing happened yesterday.  I saw it on the morning news.  A little boy was killed on the beach - a horrible accident - the driver of the truck never saw the child when he darted out in front of him.  A life gone in the blink of an eye.

I write this from central Florida.  For those of you who live elsewhere, I must offer up a more detailed explanation.  Unlike most coastal communities in the country, we have a few areas that allow driving on the beach.  It is an old custom dating back to the early days of auto racing at Daytona.  Yes...they actually used to race on the beach.  Now there is a speedway with lights, pavement and guardrails, but somehow the custom of beach driving remained.  Despite what we now know about environmental damage, and terrible tragedies like the one yesterday, the government and the citizens have not yet been willing to give it up.  Proposals to eliminate or reduce beach driving fail time and time again.  How can this be?

Now I'm certainly not very well educated on this issue.  But from a bystander's viewpoint I know that economics play a huge role.  These communities are somewhat dependent upon the income stream that flows in from beach goers.  If all these folks can no longer park on the beach, where will they go?  The cities and counties do not currently have parking areas adequate to contain the number of vehicles that the beach can hold.  Bottom line.

Other communities that never allowed beach driving to begin with had to make accomodations and changes along the way as population increased.  They made space as the needs grew.  The communities that never did will have to play catch up.  Playing catch up can seem like a monumental task and so far they haven't had the courage to face it.  So something that is an obviously bad practice continues...with no end in sight.

But let's not judge.  Take a look at the environmental disaster that happened in the Gulf.  It never took a rocket scientist to see that drilling for oil under the sea was a bad idea full of potential for disaster.  Rather than investing the time and money needed to find better ways to meet our own needs, we - collectively - have accepted this ongoing practice.  We have the technology to receive and use the energy that the Earth and sun give freely.  We do not have to rape and pillage the planet.  We could have windmills dotting every mile of shoreline collecting energy from sea breezes.  We could have solar collectors on every rooftop.  But we don't, because we never made a space for that.

What about our personal lives?  How many stay in jobs they hate because they "can't afford" to leave them?  How many stay in bad relationships for the same reason?

We can't go backwards.  We can't undo what is done.  We can't reverse tragedy.  But we can wake up.  We can take a step...any step...to release ourselves from those practices - habits - that are killing us.

Normally, I try not to get on a soapbox.  But today I had to.  You see, that little boy was the classmate of my friend's 4 year old son.  My friend had to find a way to explain death and loss to her sweet child.  In the days ahead, she will have to help him through his grief.  All for the lack of some parking spaces.  My heart breaks for them.

Look around.  Make a space for a new choice, a new way.

Please.

WS

 
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Anybody who's had kids or has kids in their family or was a kid at any time over the last half century has probably seen the Shape Ball baby toy.  It's the one that's bigger than a softball and smaller than a soccer ball, hard plastic, half red and half blue with geometric shaped holes.  It comes with yellow plastic shapes that fit the above mentioned holes.  Supposed to teach babies how to evaluate and sort.  The object is for the baby to select a yellow shape, find the corresponding hole in the ball and shove that shape in there.  Often there is banging and pounding and crying and frustration involved, but eventually the little tike figures it out and peace resumes in the Universe.  At the end of the game, the ball can be opened by pulling each hemisphere apart allowing the shapes to be dumped unceremoniously onto the floor so the whole process can begin again.

It dawned on me this morning that this is a metaphor for how we handle many of our relationships.

Recently a very close friend of mine began an exploration into a new way of thinking and a new way of being.  As she is abundantly generous with sharing her lessons, I have been lucky enough to have some of her new wisdom rub off on me.  As with all new wisdom, it is accompanied by far more questions than answers.  Love that.

We were talking last night about expectations and attachments.  It seems that we (most of humanity...not just she and I) REALLY like to categorize.  Especially the people around us.  See...as we grow up, we discover there are lots of "roles" and lots of people who fit into those roles.  There are roles for "mom", "dad", "brother", "sister", "cousin", "grandma", "grandpa", etc.  Later there are "teacher", "mailman", "cashier", and all those other folks who are not family but do stuff for us.  Once we become a little more autonomous we also discover "friend" (which later evolves to best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, husband, wife, and every other possible combination).  With practice and experience, we start using adjectives.  Brother becomes either fun or mean.  Mom becomes the best mom ever or overprotective or underavailable.  Dads take the form of angels, devils and everything in between.  Everybody gathers a collection of descriptors.

We start noticing patterns.  In our heads, hearts or somewhere in there we begin making lists - long, detailed lists - about what constitutes "good" or "bad", "acceptable" or "unacceptable".  Eventually the lists take over.  We don't know this is happening.  We're just going on about the business of living our lives.  We're experiencing pain and joy, hardship and happiness.  During the difficult times, we're looking around to see who caused the pain.  During the pleasant times, we're looking around too.  Eventually we close our hearts like that red and blue ball.  People get near us and we look to see if they fit any of our holes.  We really want to plug up our holes.  We think if we can find people who fit and fill those holes, we'll feel good all the time.

But that's not what happens.  People are not unchangeable like those hard yellow shapes.  We're not unchangeable either.  Our holes stretch and shrink over time as we experience more and more life.  Someone who once "fit" doesn't seem to fit at all anymore.  Then like that toddler, we get mad or frustrated or sad.

We are constantly doing that and others are constantly doing that to us.  It feels bad to believe we don't fit.  How many times have we all said "Why don't we feel right anymore?" "Why isn't this working?" "Why have you changed?" "Why have I changed?"

How much misery do we experience as a result of trying to find a fit?

The bigger question is...what do we do about it?  How can we get rid of the holes?  How can we let others into our hearts without having to fit a certain shape?  Better yet, how do we leave our hearts wide open?  How do we see the unique beauty in every other person who comes our way?  How do we see our own unique beauty?  How do we stop believing that someone else has to value us - has to have a hole shaped like us - in order for us to be valuable?

Try that one on for size.

And if you figure it out...let me know because I don't have a clue.

WS
 
"The gifts you have been given in this life do not belong to you alone.  They belong to everyone.  Do not be selfish and imprison yourself in a lifestyle that holds your spirit hostage and provides no spontaneity or grace in your life.  Risk being yourself fully." - Paul Ferrini, from The Silence of the Heart

I love Paul Ferrini.  I stumbled upon this particular book a few years ago.  Actually "stumbled" isn't the appropriate word.  This book was almost like a puppy at the pound.  As I was mindlessly browsing each section, it was barking and yapping and making puppy eyes at me begging me to take notice and pull it off the shelf.  Once I had it in my hand there was no way it wasn't going home with me.  It has become one of the most powerful books in my library.

The passage I quoted above comes from the chapter called "Right Livelihood".  Now, like most people when I read the word "livelihood" that triggers the connection to "work" which in the past used to make me go "UGH".

Admit it...you said UGH too...

But, that's why this chapter is called "right" livelihood.  It talks about the difference between what you perceive to be your "job" versus your real work a.k.a. the outward expression of your gifts.  Big difference.  Sometimes.

Kahlil Gibran said in The Prophet, "work is love made visible."  Ferrini explores the same concept.

Do you remember how, when you were a kid, every grownup you ever encountered would ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up?  Do you remember that moment where you'd turn your glance slightly skyward, make that "hmmm" face and then answer with the most luminous dream you could think of?  In that moment, you knew right where you were going and you had absolutely no concerns about how to make it happen.

When did they stop asking?  When did we stop answering?  When did we buy into the idea that "work" was synonomous with drudgery and servitude?

Not long ago (in the big scheme of things) I stopped buying into that.  I finally recognized that I'd been doing it wrong.  Seriously wrong.  I began to pay attention...very close attention...to how I felt, what emotions I experienced during the course of my days.  I began to notice what made the difference in having an exhilerating day and having a draining day.  The difference was in how closely aligned what I did that day was with who I really am.  Most of the time I was way off the mark.

You'd think making that discovery would be like a heavenly ray of light streaming down out of the clouds and onto my head, complete with angel voices singing.  Instant career enlightenment. 

Nope. 

First panic, then a questioning of my own sanity, followed by a dip into near despair.  It was a highly unpleasant experience.  It's an awful feeling to recognize that where you are after twenty some years of work is miles and miles away from the place where you can fully express your gifts.  It felt like there was a desert between Point A and Point B...a dry, sandy, blazing desert.

I won't lie.  I whined and grumbled and cursed for the longest time.  Mostly my rants were directed at myself.  Sometimes I was brave enough to get mad at the Universe.  It's ok though...the Universe is used to those kinds of things and remained undisturbed by my silliness.  Eventually I did what I knew I had to do.  I took the first step.

I changed my mind.

I changed my thoughts.

I changed my attitude.

Instead of hurling a series of "why, why, why's" at the Universe, I quietly and humbly asked, "what do I do now?"

Then I did the most important thing of all.  I willingly listened.

Listened to what?  I listened to everything quiet and subtle and peaceful.  When I flipped channels and found Wayne Dyer on PBS talking about the Power of Intention, I stopped and listened.  When my boss loaned me a DVD copy of The Secret, I listened.  When a Paul Ferrini book jumped into my hands and refused to go back on the shelf, I listened.  And when someone would sit with me because they felt troubled and needed someone to listen, that's what I did...

Fast forward to today.  I think I'm more than halfway across that desert.  It hasn't been nearly as tough as I thought it would be.  There has always been a cool (as in "wicked, way cool") oasis right when I needed one...and very few mirages.  And there are few things more beautiful than a full moon in the desert night sky.

Ferrini also said, "You discover your life work by listening to the voice of your heart.  There is no other way."

Amen

Now...get to work.

WS
 
I was reading Jung this morning.  I think perhaps he and I are connected at some level as fellow members of the Cosmic Club for Wondering Souls.  Today he and I explored the idea that we all share a glimmer of the great light...a "fiery spark of the soul of the world".  Jung seemed passionate in his exploration of this idea because as I read it I was swept away from thoughts of psycholoogy and began to fly joyfully through the puffy white clouds of the soul.  I felt a bit like a female Peter Pan...all elfin and mischevious.

He spoke quite a bit of the words of Dorn and Paracelsus and spewed out Latin in a way that just makes the reading of it more magical.  As I do not wish to shortchange Dr. Jung from his fair due, I will tell you where you too can find this jar of intellectual fireflies...they are from On the Nature of the Psyche

So what does it mean to believe we all contain a portion of the light of the Invisible Sun within us?  If we truly did believe that each and every one of us arrive on this planet already equipped with that divine gift, in equal measure, free of charge, no one shortchanged or overgifted, would we look at life and each other any differently? 

Now, before I go much further, I must state openly and for the record that I do not subscribe to or promote any particular religious doctrine...nor do I agree with anyone practicing the coersion of others to blindly hitch their spiritual wagons to a particular belief system, no matter how widely accepted that belief system may be. We were born with our own minds, our own souls and an unalienable (or is that inalienable...) right to practice free will.  I say only that it is always in one's best interest to choose consciously whenever possible.  Choosing consciencely is a pretty good idea too.

With all that being said, I also have a deep appreciation for those who have great faith and conviction in their beliefs...those who live in aligment with all that they value and trust.  That is a beautiful thing to witness.  Is this a contradiction?  Somewhere inside me, it reconciles.

Yes, I wonder how I would be different if even for only one 24 hour day, I could look at every single person whose path I crossed and see in them that fiery spark.  If I could stop myself from frowning at the guy in the grocery line in front of me when he barks at his kid and growls at the checkout clerk, how would that feel?  Better yet, if I never felt the urge to frown in the first place.  Would it change me?  Would it change him?  What if he were met with a peaceful, compassionate smile on my face rather than a judgmental scowl?  How would it be then?

Would it be possible to practice this for just one day?  I'm in.  Can't hurt to try.

Thanks Dr. Jung...

Rock on,

WS