"I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat."
Sylvester Stallone
Yesterday morning on my way to work I suddenly felt an immense sense of gratitude. My mind had been wandering - skippity-doo-dahing through the mental inventory of all the exciting changes I've been experiencing of late. Despite some valid points to the contrary, I recently took the leap and started a new business. It is an opportunity to play at something I love while generating revenue, and the work can be conducted during weekend and evening hours so that I may continue with my "day job".
And speaking of my day job, not all that long ago I was pretty well freaked out and wild-eyed over the stress level in my work. Today, I hop out of bed happy to go join my team as we collectively contribute to the education of a bunch of college folks. We don't do the actual educating, but higher-ed takes a village and we are diligently manning the billing huts. Ooga-shaka.
It also wasn't long ago when a sizable percentage of my neurons were working the Rubik's cube of sorting out my rapidly dwindling resources and fending off the posion darts of a "family" legal battle. I was crying a lot, and cursing in my head. I felt trapped in ever constricting circumstances that felt like a python wrapped around my chest. The more I fought, the harder it was to breathe. It dragged on and on and all I really wanted was peace, but peace doesn't win legal battles and almost everyone around me was encouraging me to swing harder and get bigger (and more expensive) bullies to stand on my side. Let me share something with you. "Fighting" for "peace" is an oxymoron. It does bad things to your soul and it bruises the hearts of the hapless peaceful people who are hanging around trying to be close and supportive. No good can come of a bad fight.
But I didn't know that then. I thought I was "doing what I had to do."
Back in September someone who mattered to me, who I cared for deeply, stepped away from me. I hadn't realized the magnitude of the "vortex of negativity" that had sucked me up like Dorothy's Kansas tornado. This man was one of the kindest, most compassionate people I had ever met. And before I even knew what hit me, he had, metaphorically, run screaming from the building. He never said straight up that it was my life that ran him off...but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that.
When it happened, it was like a mule kick to my head. I was so lost and scared and tangled in the mess that my life had become that I didn't see what it was turning me into. Right then, I started the process of change. Granted, it is not easy to slow a runaway locomotive so it didn't happen overnight. The first step was hearing the phrase that was to become my mantra in the months ahead. I asked myself over and over during the course of my days, "In this moment, how do I promote peace?" Every time I felt myself being less-than-peaceful, I stopped and examined where it was coming from and why. I started studying ancient wisdom and the words of modern sages. I meditated and prayed and wrote and cried and laughed and tried to be patient with myself.
What I didn't expect was that many things would get worse before they got better. There were more rejections in almost every facet of my life. Things that should really not be "that hard" were hard. I had days (weeks) where I felt myself slipping into despair. One day, I sought out the help of trusted friends because I needed them to help me decide if I was still sane or not-so-much.
Welcome to Rock Bottom Junction.
The view from the ground looking skyward is pretty cool once you stop hyperventilating.
Since then, everything has changed. I know that sounds cliche but it is true. That mule kick jostled my focus from what was happening "out there" to what is happening "in here" and when "in here" clicks into alignment with who I really am, all of a sudden, life is bright again. Remarkable.
I miss that man. I wish I could tell him how grateful I am. He listened to his own inner wisdom and saw that what was happening with me wasn't good for either of us. I can't imagine a better example to live by. In the "history of my life" his presence and the catalyst of his retreat may well be my own "shot heard round the world."
Thank you, Kacey.
These days, I laugh a lot. Smile too. The bruises on my heart are healing nicely and I've dropped a lot of baggage. Still have a few carry on bags that I'm sorting through but those too will fall away in time.
The best thing that has come from this is my renewed sense of awe. It is like being a 4-year old kid again lazily plucking petals from a daisy and watching the clouds go by for no other reason than it feels good to do so.
Rejection rocks!
Much love,
WS
Sylvester Stallone
Yesterday morning on my way to work I suddenly felt an immense sense of gratitude. My mind had been wandering - skippity-doo-dahing through the mental inventory of all the exciting changes I've been experiencing of late. Despite some valid points to the contrary, I recently took the leap and started a new business. It is an opportunity to play at something I love while generating revenue, and the work can be conducted during weekend and evening hours so that I may continue with my "day job".
And speaking of my day job, not all that long ago I was pretty well freaked out and wild-eyed over the stress level in my work. Today, I hop out of bed happy to go join my team as we collectively contribute to the education of a bunch of college folks. We don't do the actual educating, but higher-ed takes a village and we are diligently manning the billing huts. Ooga-shaka.
It also wasn't long ago when a sizable percentage of my neurons were working the Rubik's cube of sorting out my rapidly dwindling resources and fending off the posion darts of a "family" legal battle. I was crying a lot, and cursing in my head. I felt trapped in ever constricting circumstances that felt like a python wrapped around my chest. The more I fought, the harder it was to breathe. It dragged on and on and all I really wanted was peace, but peace doesn't win legal battles and almost everyone around me was encouraging me to swing harder and get bigger (and more expensive) bullies to stand on my side. Let me share something with you. "Fighting" for "peace" is an oxymoron. It does bad things to your soul and it bruises the hearts of the hapless peaceful people who are hanging around trying to be close and supportive. No good can come of a bad fight.
But I didn't know that then. I thought I was "doing what I had to do."
Back in September someone who mattered to me, who I cared for deeply, stepped away from me. I hadn't realized the magnitude of the "vortex of negativity" that had sucked me up like Dorothy's Kansas tornado. This man was one of the kindest, most compassionate people I had ever met. And before I even knew what hit me, he had, metaphorically, run screaming from the building. He never said straight up that it was my life that ran him off...but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that.
When it happened, it was like a mule kick to my head. I was so lost and scared and tangled in the mess that my life had become that I didn't see what it was turning me into. Right then, I started the process of change. Granted, it is not easy to slow a runaway locomotive so it didn't happen overnight. The first step was hearing the phrase that was to become my mantra in the months ahead. I asked myself over and over during the course of my days, "In this moment, how do I promote peace?" Every time I felt myself being less-than-peaceful, I stopped and examined where it was coming from and why. I started studying ancient wisdom and the words of modern sages. I meditated and prayed and wrote and cried and laughed and tried to be patient with myself.
What I didn't expect was that many things would get worse before they got better. There were more rejections in almost every facet of my life. Things that should really not be "that hard" were hard. I had days (weeks) where I felt myself slipping into despair. One day, I sought out the help of trusted friends because I needed them to help me decide if I was still sane or not-so-much.
Welcome to Rock Bottom Junction.
The view from the ground looking skyward is pretty cool once you stop hyperventilating.
Since then, everything has changed. I know that sounds cliche but it is true. That mule kick jostled my focus from what was happening "out there" to what is happening "in here" and when "in here" clicks into alignment with who I really am, all of a sudden, life is bright again. Remarkable.
I miss that man. I wish I could tell him how grateful I am. He listened to his own inner wisdom and saw that what was happening with me wasn't good for either of us. I can't imagine a better example to live by. In the "history of my life" his presence and the catalyst of his retreat may well be my own "shot heard round the world."
Thank you, Kacey.
These days, I laugh a lot. Smile too. The bruises on my heart are healing nicely and I've dropped a lot of baggage. Still have a few carry on bags that I'm sorting through but those too will fall away in time.
The best thing that has come from this is my renewed sense of awe. It is like being a 4-year old kid again lazily plucking petals from a daisy and watching the clouds go by for no other reason than it feels good to do so.
Rejection rocks!
Much love,
WS
RSS Feed